why?

I'm crying without  reason. i dont know why.
i just keep saying i dont want to be here.
:(
I feel useless & dead inside all the time now.
Im not trying to make you change friends.
she needs to keep her hands to herself.
& why would you pick her over me?
& dont tell me you didnt. you know damn well you did. & you try to tell me its also because of your tournament. well you didnt tell me that 3 days ago. when i told you i was going thursday. why didnt you want to go with me? whats wrong about me. is it because ive been so upset lately.
well im trying not to be with all my strength . i just dont have anymore to push me forward.
i love you with all my heart, but i dont feel all this love i give to you returned from you. i feel like all your attention is going towards her now. and not me. i feel like nothing. im invisible whenever youre both talking. im just there. nothing. i dont say anything because it has no meaning anymore. why? why do you keep telling me the same thing/ I AM NOT TRYING TO MAKE YOU CHANGE FRIENDS FOR THE 1000000000th TIME. why dont you believe me anymore.
you dont compromise with me anymore.
its always me, i have to adjust to your plans. for everything. 
nobody bothers to care to think about me.
i feel liek nothing to you anymore, i dont see that special attention you used to give me, i dont even see you look at me the same way anymore, you never bother to plan anything anymore. its always sarah sarah sarah.
I shouldnt be crying right now. 
i was let down when you didnt even turn back as i was yelling your name to say goodbye, you just stormed off. i was asking lucia something real quick. but no that doesnt seem to matter. i just want to tell you that i love you & to have a good day tomorrow while im not there. which you probably will be I WONT BE THERE. i feel like you dont need me anymore, that im useless, and you dont want to be around me anymore. im sorry im upset all the time. its her fault. i was happy monday. when she wasnt there. i had a wonderful day. 
i just want to know in my heart & mind, that you're there for me, you want to be around me, that you love me, that your my bestfriend. that you actually CARE.


I feel like you keep using that same excuse for everything i do or say or anytime im upset you use it. i feel like you dont care that im upset. you keep using that excuse. and im not trying to. all these weekends you hangout with her.
i feel like you care more about her than me.
I'm mad on so many levels. She's at that line, that if she crosses it. it's over.
No word about it.
I'm sorry for even being alive. you'd be much happier with out me anyways.
All I want is to see you happy, be happy.
& if it's without me in the equation. Then ill get out.
i want to be happy & I am until something like this comes up.
who to go with & you go with her?
what the hell.
I wanted to go with you, so it could be like a date. i love doing that with you, so i can spend time with you , enjoying something great like a play.
& you chose to go with her.
why?
why is she so damn important.
I know shes your bestfriend. but she isn't a good friend if she's two faced. not to you because you cant see it. but others can.  just because she doesnt care if you argue & never apologize to her. and she doesnt care.
but if its me, & i apologize , i get all the hatred. I get no chance. i get nothing.
now how the fuck does that fucking work.
im sick and tired of always being the bad person because IM NOT. IM AQ FUCKING GOOD FRIEND & PERSON I TELL PEOPLE THE FUCKING TRUTH  I DONT FUCKING LET PEOPLE FIGURE OUT THAT I DONT LIKE THEM,. I DONT FUCKING FLIRT WITH OTHER PEOPLES FUCKING BOYFRIENDS.
THATS ANOTHER THING. HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU FEEL IF I WAS ALL OVER KEVIN LIKE SHE IS TO YOU.
DEAR GOD, I NEVER WANT TO BE. BUT HOW WOULD YOU FUCKING LIKE IT.
OH THATS JUST HOW I AM.
THATS FUCKING BULLSHIT. SHES FUCKING CHANGED.
I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY. BUT IT OBVIOUSLY ISNT HERE.
SERIOUSLY TAKE A MINUTE TO THINK HOW I FEEL. I DONT THINK YOU EVER HAVE. YOU JUST FIX THE PROBLEM BUT DONT ACTUALLY THINK ABOUT HOW I FEEL.
I WISH YOU COULD UNDERSTAND.
 Why can't you see that im hurt, when im trying not be. I am a happy & wonderful person, but i cant with her.
You'll never see what a foul person she is because you are a push over, & you way to nice.
Just because her parents love you, means nothing,
just because you like her parents, means nothing.
because she's a terrible fucking person
I can't take this anymore.
I should just fucking die. everything would be solved in a instant.
I cant take this anymore.
bye.