are you serious right now. youre being an immature motherfucking brat. youre not fucking cool trying to fucking fit in all the fucking time. so suck my motherfucking dick. and get lost. youre such an asshole now. but anyways. what the fuck. you couldnt fucking tell me hi until 11:30 at fuckign ngiht. youre fucking camping out again. are you fucking kidding me. i feel like im nothing. if you wouldve talk to me at least said hi. i wouldnt be fucking worrying. so fuck you. im so beyond mad right now. i accomudate to you. im so uncomfortable. everything is a disaster. i cnt breahte right now. im shaking im punhcing everything. like does it really take that much fucking effort to say hello to me. to respond. because liek if it was me not responding you would get all fucking butt hurt. but now. thats not the siutation. but whatever. im so upset. im not even excited about school anymore. i just dont even want to be near anybody at all.
its shit liek this where i close myself out from the world and become that stupid quiet depressed bitch. and i cant help it. because things liek this ruin my fucking life.
i was worried and mad all damn day. and now. all i got was hi.
thats great,.
greats things.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
I dont know why
cigarettes. they bother me.
My friends smoking them. bothers me.
you.
not telling me either. like i had to find/ figure it out. Saddens me.
Its hard to move on, when i dont know anything. its even worse..
that i'm sure you were pressured. to be cool, to fit in, without you knowing it. thats how i feel.
just because shes your bestfriend even when i did get along, you didnt tell me. i found out in summer..
its sucks
why it bothers me so much, that you dont just admit it.
Because the SAME EXACT THING IS HAPPENING to my brothers.
both of their wives smoke without them knowing well... till now.
One of them already had cancer & shes still going at it.
The other.. it was a surprise.
Neither of my brothers knew.
Im sure they feel played and betrayed.
the only guy who's been honest about it, was my brother nate. & thats my sisters husband. he was legit about.
I just want to know, why its so hard to tell me things, i have to all the time. youre the 1st . and i feel as if im the end of the list to know or find out.
It sucks.
i cant do anything.
till then.
My friends smoking them. bothers me.
you.
not telling me either. like i had to find/ figure it out. Saddens me.
Its hard to move on, when i dont know anything. its even worse..
that i'm sure you were pressured. to be cool, to fit in, without you knowing it. thats how i feel.
just because shes your bestfriend even when i did get along, you didnt tell me. i found out in summer..
its sucks
why it bothers me so much, that you dont just admit it.
Because the SAME EXACT THING IS HAPPENING to my brothers.
both of their wives smoke without them knowing well... till now.
One of them already had cancer & shes still going at it.
The other.. it was a surprise.
Neither of my brothers knew.
Im sure they feel played and betrayed.
the only guy who's been honest about it, was my brother nate. & thats my sisters husband. he was legit about.
I just want to know, why its so hard to tell me things, i have to all the time. youre the 1st . and i feel as if im the end of the list to know or find out.
It sucks.
i cant do anything.
till then.
Friday, March 9, 2012
She's right.
We all can't say SHIT.
She's know her since forever ago. But SHE HERSELF see's the changes..
It's not just because i dont like her.
I remember all the memories i had with her.
Memories DON'T CHANGE, people do.
But anyways. I'm being me. fuck the rest. this is how i am & if you dont like me at my worst, leave.
Like today.
what the hell..
why are you so interested in whats NOT your business. nosy much...
any who,
you got upset because i couldnt keep a conversation. well not being able to talk with you for like 2 weeks. its really hard to keep up with whats new?
plus i was feeling shitty. so do not blame me for being boring. lulu was there too and amanda. & i dont know if you noticed. but when im sitting & not talking, wheres sarah to talk to you? HUH? ALL THE WAY OVER THERE? oh im sorry,. It only seems that she LOVES to be talkative & around you when im up & wanting to talk to you, she knows thats the perfect oppurtunity to get me out.
But that's cool. I'll test this out again monday.
:p
I cannot speak for the rest. Me & Nathan always invite lucia. Anthony is in his own world & Nathan can be too. But tis cool because there will always be team meatballs.
But do what you want, smoke, drink, whatever. because im the one who gets attack for ONE time over and over. and you know damn well you do it. fuck it though. |
honestly, as long as you're with nathan it makes me feel 100% better. Bestfriends, just way more comfortable.
anyone one else, i'll be defensive & concerned, just because i feel like they'll make you do something stupid or they'll take advantage of you.
Lucky you though, having a job, car, license and all that you can actually be free to do this.
I'm not because i want to be drug free, and actually live with out getting some kind of health problem. not saying i wont though. but im not like every single weekend. no. like. its rare. im RARE. unlike you.
& fuck. my tummy hurts.
my throat hurts. i feel sick, been sick for liek days now.
I havent got to spend time with Anthony, but it's my fault. I'm not available till spring break..
But its worth it, ill have my license. and it'll be off my to do list. :)
lol, then i can drive to his house :) cooollll.
Blah..
looking back at old pictures, it hurts.
it sucks telling people your -how we met story- & then crashing down from all the exciting things you were saying into, i cant stand her anymore.... its terrible.. but well... life goes on.
:(
thats all.
Meatball out.
She's know her since forever ago. But SHE HERSELF see's the changes..
It's not just because i dont like her.
I remember all the memories i had with her.
Memories DON'T CHANGE, people do.
But anyways. I'm being me. fuck the rest. this is how i am & if you dont like me at my worst, leave.
Like today.
what the hell..
why are you so interested in whats NOT your business. nosy much...
any who,
you got upset because i couldnt keep a conversation. well not being able to talk with you for like 2 weeks. its really hard to keep up with whats new?
plus i was feeling shitty. so do not blame me for being boring. lulu was there too and amanda. & i dont know if you noticed. but when im sitting & not talking, wheres sarah to talk to you? HUH? ALL THE WAY OVER THERE? oh im sorry,. It only seems that she LOVES to be talkative & around you when im up & wanting to talk to you, she knows thats the perfect oppurtunity to get me out.
But that's cool. I'll test this out again monday.
:p
I cannot speak for the rest. Me & Nathan always invite lucia. Anthony is in his own world & Nathan can be too. But tis cool because there will always be team meatballs.
But do what you want, smoke, drink, whatever. because im the one who gets attack for ONE time over and over. and you know damn well you do it. fuck it though. |
honestly, as long as you're with nathan it makes me feel 100% better. Bestfriends, just way more comfortable.
anyone one else, i'll be defensive & concerned, just because i feel like they'll make you do something stupid or they'll take advantage of you.
Lucky you though, having a job, car, license and all that you can actually be free to do this.
I'm not because i want to be drug free, and actually live with out getting some kind of health problem. not saying i wont though. but im not like every single weekend. no. like. its rare. im RARE. unlike you.
& fuck. my tummy hurts.
my throat hurts. i feel sick, been sick for liek days now.
I havent got to spend time with Anthony, but it's my fault. I'm not available till spring break..
But its worth it, ill have my license. and it'll be off my to do list. :)
lol, then i can drive to his house :) cooollll.
Blah..
looking back at old pictures, it hurts.
it sucks telling people your -how we met story- & then crashing down from all the exciting things you were saying into, i cant stand her anymore.... its terrible.. but well... life goes on.
:(
thats all.
Meatball out.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
AGAIN.
it's like a never ending cycle.
people are pushing my buttons fucking left and right.
You're going to become bitter, & mean again.
Great, because i totally fell inlove with that.
fuck drugs. there stupid & they ruin my friends lifes.
at least it's with nathan. & not this stupid bitch, where she can take advantage of him.
whatever.
you're fucking all stupid.
gonna get lung cancer and shit, & then i have go through the pain with you, of dying and what not. NO.
I DONT WANT THAT FOR MY FRIENDS.
you dont even need it.
but whatever ruin life.
yeah i smoked. 5 times. in my whole life. im not trying to die.
-_-
fuckk your shit. seriously constantly doing shit.
people are pushing my buttons fucking left and right.
You're going to become bitter, & mean again.
Great, because i totally fell inlove with that.
fuck drugs. there stupid & they ruin my friends lifes.
at least it's with nathan. & not this stupid bitch, where she can take advantage of him.
whatever.
you're fucking all stupid.
gonna get lung cancer and shit, & then i have go through the pain with you, of dying and what not. NO.
I DONT WANT THAT FOR MY FRIENDS.
you dont even need it.
but whatever ruin life.
yeah i smoked. 5 times. in my whole life. im not trying to die.
-_-
fuckk your shit. seriously constantly doing shit.
why?
I'm crying without reason. i dont know why.
i just keep saying i dont want to be here.
:(
I feel useless & dead inside all the time now.
Im not trying to make you change friends.
she needs to keep her hands to herself.
& why would you pick her over me?
& dont tell me you didnt. you know damn well you did. & you try to tell me its also because of your tournament. well you didnt tell me that 3 days ago. when i told you i was going thursday. why didnt you want to go with me? whats wrong about me. is it because ive been so upset lately.
well im trying not to be with all my strength . i just dont have anymore to push me forward.
i love you with all my heart, but i dont feel all this love i give to you returned from you. i feel like all your attention is going towards her now. and not me. i feel like nothing. im invisible whenever youre both talking. im just there. nothing. i dont say anything because it has no meaning anymore. why? why do you keep telling me the same thing/ I AM NOT TRYING TO MAKE YOU CHANGE FRIENDS FOR THE 1000000000th TIME. why dont you believe me anymore.
you dont compromise with me anymore.
its always me, i have to adjust to your plans. for everything.
nobody bothers to care to think about me.
i feel liek nothing to you anymore, i dont see that special attention you used to give me, i dont even see you look at me the same way anymore, you never bother to plan anything anymore. its always sarah sarah sarah.
I shouldnt be crying right now.
i was let down when you didnt even turn back as i was yelling your name to say goodbye, you just stormed off. i was asking lucia something real quick. but no that doesnt seem to matter. i just want to tell you that i love you & to have a good day tomorrow while im not there. which you probably will be I WONT BE THERE. i feel like you dont need me anymore, that im useless, and you dont want to be around me anymore. im sorry im upset all the time. its her fault. i was happy monday. when she wasnt there. i had a wonderful day.
i just want to know in my heart & mind, that you're there for me, you want to be around me, that you love me, that your my bestfriend. that you actually CARE.
I feel like you keep using that same excuse for everything i do or say or anytime im upset you use it. i feel like you dont care that im upset. you keep using that excuse. and im not trying to. all these weekends you hangout with her.
i feel like you care more about her than me.
I'm mad on so many levels. She's at that line, that if she crosses it. it's over.
No word about it.
I'm sorry for even being alive. you'd be much happier with out me anyways.
All I want is to see you happy, be happy.
& if it's without me in the equation. Then ill get out.
i want to be happy & I am until something like this comes up.
who to go with & you go with her?
what the hell.
I wanted to go with you, so it could be like a date. i love doing that with you, so i can spend time with you , enjoying something great like a play.
& you chose to go with her.
why?
why is she so damn important.
I know shes your bestfriend. but she isn't a good friend if she's two faced. not to you because you cant see it. but others can. just because she doesnt care if you argue & never apologize to her. and she doesnt care.
but if its me, & i apologize , i get all the hatred. I get no chance. i get nothing.
now how the fuck does that fucking work.
im sick and tired of always being the bad person because IM NOT. IM AQ FUCKING GOOD FRIEND & PERSON I TELL PEOPLE THE FUCKING TRUTH I DONT FUCKING LET PEOPLE FIGURE OUT THAT I DONT LIKE THEM,. I DONT FUCKING FLIRT WITH OTHER PEOPLES FUCKING BOYFRIENDS.
THATS ANOTHER THING. HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU FEEL IF I WAS ALL OVER KEVIN LIKE SHE IS TO YOU.
DEAR GOD, I NEVER WANT TO BE. BUT HOW WOULD YOU FUCKING LIKE IT.
OH THATS JUST HOW I AM.
THATS FUCKING BULLSHIT. SHES FUCKING CHANGED.
I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY. BUT IT OBVIOUSLY ISNT HERE.
SERIOUSLY TAKE A MINUTE TO THINK HOW I FEEL. I DONT THINK YOU EVER HAVE. YOU JUST FIX THE PROBLEM BUT DONT ACTUALLY THINK ABOUT HOW I FEEL.
I WISH YOU COULD UNDERSTAND.
Why can't you see that im hurt, when im trying not be. I am a happy & wonderful person, but i cant with her.
You'll never see what a foul person she is because you are a push over, & you way to nice.
Just because her parents love you, means nothing,
just because you like her parents, means nothing.
because she's a terrible fucking person
I can't take this anymore.
I should just fucking die. everything would be solved in a instant.
I cant take this anymore.
bye.
i just keep saying i dont want to be here.
:(
I feel useless & dead inside all the time now.
Im not trying to make you change friends.
she needs to keep her hands to herself.
& why would you pick her over me?
& dont tell me you didnt. you know damn well you did. & you try to tell me its also because of your tournament. well you didnt tell me that 3 days ago. when i told you i was going thursday. why didnt you want to go with me? whats wrong about me. is it because ive been so upset lately.
well im trying not to be with all my strength . i just dont have anymore to push me forward.
i love you with all my heart, but i dont feel all this love i give to you returned from you. i feel like all your attention is going towards her now. and not me. i feel like nothing. im invisible whenever youre both talking. im just there. nothing. i dont say anything because it has no meaning anymore. why? why do you keep telling me the same thing/ I AM NOT TRYING TO MAKE YOU CHANGE FRIENDS FOR THE 1000000000th TIME. why dont you believe me anymore.
you dont compromise with me anymore.
its always me, i have to adjust to your plans. for everything.
nobody bothers to care to think about me.
i feel liek nothing to you anymore, i dont see that special attention you used to give me, i dont even see you look at me the same way anymore, you never bother to plan anything anymore. its always sarah sarah sarah.
I shouldnt be crying right now.
i was let down when you didnt even turn back as i was yelling your name to say goodbye, you just stormed off. i was asking lucia something real quick. but no that doesnt seem to matter. i just want to tell you that i love you & to have a good day tomorrow while im not there. which you probably will be I WONT BE THERE. i feel like you dont need me anymore, that im useless, and you dont want to be around me anymore. im sorry im upset all the time. its her fault. i was happy monday. when she wasnt there. i had a wonderful day.
i just want to know in my heart & mind, that you're there for me, you want to be around me, that you love me, that your my bestfriend. that you actually CARE.
I feel like you keep using that same excuse for everything i do or say or anytime im upset you use it. i feel like you dont care that im upset. you keep using that excuse. and im not trying to. all these weekends you hangout with her.
i feel like you care more about her than me.
I'm mad on so many levels. She's at that line, that if she crosses it. it's over.
No word about it.
I'm sorry for even being alive. you'd be much happier with out me anyways.
All I want is to see you happy, be happy.
& if it's without me in the equation. Then ill get out.
i want to be happy & I am until something like this comes up.
who to go with & you go with her?
what the hell.
I wanted to go with you, so it could be like a date. i love doing that with you, so i can spend time with you , enjoying something great like a play.
& you chose to go with her.
why?
why is she so damn important.
I know shes your bestfriend. but she isn't a good friend if she's two faced. not to you because you cant see it. but others can. just because she doesnt care if you argue & never apologize to her. and she doesnt care.
but if its me, & i apologize , i get all the hatred. I get no chance. i get nothing.
now how the fuck does that fucking work.
im sick and tired of always being the bad person because IM NOT. IM AQ FUCKING GOOD FRIEND & PERSON I TELL PEOPLE THE FUCKING TRUTH I DONT FUCKING LET PEOPLE FIGURE OUT THAT I DONT LIKE THEM,. I DONT FUCKING FLIRT WITH OTHER PEOPLES FUCKING BOYFRIENDS.
THATS ANOTHER THING. HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU FEEL IF I WAS ALL OVER KEVIN LIKE SHE IS TO YOU.
DEAR GOD, I NEVER WANT TO BE. BUT HOW WOULD YOU FUCKING LIKE IT.
OH THATS JUST HOW I AM.
THATS FUCKING BULLSHIT. SHES FUCKING CHANGED.
I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY. BUT IT OBVIOUSLY ISNT HERE.
SERIOUSLY TAKE A MINUTE TO THINK HOW I FEEL. I DONT THINK YOU EVER HAVE. YOU JUST FIX THE PROBLEM BUT DONT ACTUALLY THINK ABOUT HOW I FEEL.
I WISH YOU COULD UNDERSTAND.
Why can't you see that im hurt, when im trying not be. I am a happy & wonderful person, but i cant with her.
You'll never see what a foul person she is because you are a push over, & you way to nice.
Just because her parents love you, means nothing,
just because you like her parents, means nothing.
because she's a terrible fucking person
I can't take this anymore.
I should just fucking die. everything would be solved in a instant.
I cant take this anymore.
bye.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
I wonder if you're lying.
Like. Certain clues were there. But I didn't say anything and i'm not going to. If you are. Just be real & tell me.Yes, i'm going to be pissed the fuck off, but what does it matter, you've done it before.
Shit is happening that i didnt think would.
I seriously cannot wait till june 7( i think now is grad day.), 2013 @ 9am at my graduation ceremony, and then a couple hours later call me name. walk the stage, give hugs to people i want to & a pictures of course, then say fuck you too all the fucking people i hate & then go party with my family, i dont want to be with any of my friends. Till that day.
I think illl pretty much be sour all the times. But who gives a fuck about ashley.
Lets just not tell her anything and expect me to already know. Or lets try to get under her skin, or lets lie to her, etc etc.
I'm pretty sure, i think my years at liberty would've been much better.
No. nevermind. I dont think so. well maybe. idk.
Well whateve
nobodys going to give a fuck.
It;s a beautiful day & im going to run out my angerr.
with facebook gone. I have less stress already,
now at a 98% anger level. woo... ;p
my shoulder is like killing me, i think i torn my rotary cuff.... fuck.
and now. calling back to different places... for application status & insurance quotes.
Looks like progressive is the lowest for 6 months right now.
till then
everyone fuck off. seriously.
Shit is happening that i didnt think would.
I seriously cannot wait till june 7( i think now is grad day.), 2013 @ 9am at my graduation ceremony, and then a couple hours later call me name. walk the stage, give hugs to people i want to & a pictures of course, then say fuck you too all the fucking people i hate & then go party with my family, i dont want to be with any of my friends. Till that day.
I think illl pretty much be sour all the times. But who gives a fuck about ashley.
Lets just not tell her anything and expect me to already know. Or lets try to get under her skin, or lets lie to her, etc etc.
I'm pretty sure, i think my years at liberty would've been much better.
No. nevermind. I dont think so. well maybe. idk.
Well whateve
nobodys going to give a fuck.
It;s a beautiful day & im going to run out my angerr.
with facebook gone. I have less stress already,
now at a 98% anger level. woo... ;p
my shoulder is like killing me, i think i torn my rotary cuff.... fuck.
and now. calling back to different places... for application status & insurance quotes.
Looks like progressive is the lowest for 6 months right now.
till then
everyone fuck off. seriously.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
thats not even cool.
what the fuck..
ergggg.
oh hell. to fuck no.
i swear to god.
i swear to god.
i find out.
OH FUCK NO.
YOU BETTER NOT BE.
Its done.
mad.
upset.
theres not
fuck then. i swear to god. if youre starting that shit again. i will never talk to you again.
ergggg.
oh hell. to fuck no.
i swear to god.
i swear to god.
i find out.
OH FUCK NO.
YOU BETTER NOT BE.
Its done.
mad.
upset.
theres not
fuck then. i swear to god. if youre starting that shit again. i will never talk to you again.
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