I dont want a break from you

i dont want one. i dont. i dont need it.
i just want to be myself. i dont want this, i cant stop crying. i dont want to go through this again. i dont want to. i just want to be happy. & i am happy around you, just seeing you. you re my life, my soul, my everything. i cant do that. i dont want a break. i just want to see you. My stress will be all gonem so i can help with yours. i know nana & naterz are trying to help and they are by listening/. but i cant i cant. ill die. i dont want that. i just want us to be happy. in general you to be happy. but i cant do this. i cant. i love you so much. just thinking about a break kills me inside. i cant. no. i cant. i just want to see you. and hug you and kiss you. i hope this is all just a bad nightmare, i can wake up. fine tomorrow. please god. dont do this to me. please.

At this rate, your making me fade away from you.Sh

I'm serious.
I hate to say it.
-Ashley.

why did i do that?

why?
i was so mad.
i didnt mean too.
Im scared
i dont want to lose you.
why did i do that.
im sorry. Im so sorry.
I didnt mean to lie to you.
I was just so mad.
I didnt mean to hurt you.
you're perfect to me,
I love you.
I dont know where my state of mind is anymore.
im depressed, im stressed.
i have so many problems to fix. but i keep making more.
my moods are uncontroallable.
i lied to both of you.
I used someones name
i hate myself more than ever.
im shaking im crying.
i dont know what to do with myself anymore.
I really do need help.
Im so sorry. I didnt want to do it. it just came out without a thought.
i dont know what to do to myself.
i just want to end my life.
like ive said before.
I want to see you happy, even if im not in the equation.
I know ive made miustakes before, but never this one.
EVER.
ive NEVER lied to you.
ever.
I dont know why now.
it will not happen ever again.
I cant breathe.
i want to end it all.
i want help.
i need help.
im so sorry,
i dont know why i tried to make it seem like everything was okay.
i dont know.
i miss you.
i love you.
You're the one that makes me forget everything when im with you.
The one who treats me with respect, love & care.
You're a REAL man.
& im just a horrible, little girl.
im sorry Anthony.
I just really need to help myself.
please just dont leave.
ill die.
i just want to be myself.
i cant.
i dont know

yeah,.

im pretty sure my grades are gonna go down now that im all ASDFGHJKL
FUCK.
there FANTASTIC though right now. ):

GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME.

EVERYDAY I DEAL WITH YOU. YOU DONT LET ME DO THINGS BY MYSELF. YOU DONT LET ME SPEAK FOR MYSELF. I CANT FUCKING STAND IT. I WAS OFFERED THIS FUCKING JOB. AND IM GOING TO DO IT. DONT FUCKING RUSH ME INTO ANYTHING. I WILL DO IT. AND FUCKING NO. YOU ARENT GOING WITH ME. I FUCKING   HATE YOU I HOPE YOU LEAVE FUCKING FOREVER. WHY THE FUCK CANT YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE. AND LET ME DO WHAT I WANT. JUST BECAUSE I DIDNT WANT TO LOOK AT YOU NOW YOUR NOT TAKING ME TO MY OPEN HOUSE FOR COLLEGE WHICH I HAVE TO GO TO. YOU KNOW  WHAT NO. IM GOING TO GO ALONE. I DONT CARE. THERES BUS AND BART TO GET ME THERE. ILL BE FINE. THERES NO FUCKING WAY YOU CANT STOP ME. YOURE THE ONE WHO DIDNT FUCKING FINISH HIGH SCHOOL. YOU DONT HAVE A DIPLOMA SO DONT COMPARE YOURSELF TO ME. I WILL BE MORE AND MUCH MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN YOU EVER WERE. I WILL TREAT MY KIDS WITH RESPECT AND THE3Y WONT FUCKING LIVE THE HELL I WENT THRU WITH YOU. BECAUSE I WONT TAKE OUT MY BAD CHILDHOOD YOU GAVE ME ONTO THEM. IM GOING TO BE THE BEST PARENT AS POSSIBLE. SO FUCK YOU., I HATE YOUL. I HONESTLY DO. NOW TOMORROW IM GOING TO DO MY MOTHERFUCKING JOB AND IMA DO IT RIGHT. YOUR NOT GONNA STAY THERE . ILL KICK YOU OUT. YOU SAID I NEEDED MONEY TO GET INSURANCE AND A CAR. WELL IM DOING IT. NOT YOU WONT GET ANYTHING IF YOU STAY. BECAUSE ALL THAT MONEY TO GOES TO MY HARD WORK TOMORROW. OKAY. SO FUCK YOU. LEAVE ME THE FUC K ALONE. JUST BECAUSE I DONT WWANT TO TELL YOU MY FUCKING LIFE PROBLEMS BECAUSE YOULL JUST SAY ITS NOTHING. GO DRINK YOUR PILLS. WELL FUCK YOU. MAYBE I HAVE MORE PROBLEMS THAN YOU DID AS A TEEN. THATS NOT MY FUCKING FAULT. ITS NOT MY FAULT THAT YOUR MOTHER DIDNT CARE ABOUT YOU. ITS NOT MY FUCKING FAULT. FUCK THIS. IM DONE.

And i think to myself now.

that maybe. we really arent livable with each other. that the zodiac is totally right.
But my heart tells me otherwise. I love you, like ive never loved before. Those feeling you make me feel, noone else has before. &  i love it, to every extent.
But in other times. we just cant stand each other. we argue. and I dont like it. Im sorry for all that. I really am. I hate that you say that you dont care anymore. and it kills me.
and thats what the zodiac say about our signs not being compatible....
sigh. i dont know what to do anymore.and then times there is. I love you, & i want to be with you forever, no matter what it takes. I can work on my attitude n all. well thats all.
goodbye.
-ashley