Dont know where my life is heading towards

I dont even know what to do with my stress nymore. Its causing my hormoes togk out of bqlance which thwn leads me to missing my TOM. Which is. Not good because then that stresses me out to Nother level and its like the cycle never ends for me. Whether im deLing with my stress or someone elses. I don know whT to do with myself. I feel like a distractin and i know i am one. Im sorry. I dont meAn to do thT. Im working on trying to do my own life and not being in others. Im working on getting my license a d getting out peoples wY. So i dont hVe to be in people buisness or houses n shit. Im sorry. I really mean it. Its the truth im a distraction to people Nd their school life. I just mix in i know why pRents dont like me now. This kinda just makes me not want to go to homecoming. I really Am just not excited to be in anyones life right now. I hate my life. Like theres not a doubt in mind i wouldnt just die and be gone. I think id be better off that way or if werent here . I cant breathe right now. Sigh. Well i guess ill just lay here N overthink my life...
-Ashley

this is bullshit.

i hate last minute fucking deals. LIKE FUCK. I had said yes. & all this bullshit. Fuck everything. fuck EVERYTHING. I hate everyone. I just cant fucking deal with that bullshit. i had so much fun tonight till i got home then this. i hate when people do that to me. You can't why the hell did you say you go? & you cant laast minute. what the fuck is that? like yeah ill go to harvest fair with again tomorrow. But that doesnt mean I didnt want to go to her party. like fuck bro. UGH. kay im out. im irritated n shit. fuck you. bye.

I just want to leave forever.

I just have nothing to do with this world.
I can't make anybody happy.
I tried. i tried.
I want to try harder. but i just cant. I dont have anything in me anymore.
I dont want you to feel alone. I want to be there with you thru everything & anything.
I fuckign love you with all my fucking heart & soul.
I'm nothing without you.
i love you more than i can fucking explain.
I just want out of this world.
You'll find a better girlfriend than me in the future anyways.
i'm not worth a cent.
I love you.
Goodbye forever.


I hope someday, some beautiful girl will make you happier than I ever did.
Goodluck. Good life.
Bye,
-Ashley R. Alanis.

(Tuesday, September 13th, 2011. (9:10pm)

I just want you to be happy.

I just want you to be happy.
i just want you to be free or problems & have a happy life.
I'm not helping you, just being there, in the way. im just another problem.
I'm sorry.
I love you so much. I hate seeing you. this way. I hate seeing myself this way. I have being depressed. I hate how nate is being an ass to you. & you didnt even do anything. you both together need to talk things out.
& us. were just a weird couple. & yes we have our accidents. I'm okay. You didnt mean too. You have no idea how much i love you. & all i want to make you is happy. Whether i can, or if i can help you to be happy in life. Thats what i promised to do. I promised to love you, help you & be there for you when I can. & this is defiantley a time. :l I love you. I just want to see you happy. thats all.

goodbye
-ashtree

i swear to sweet jesus.

i hate everything right now.
I'm so sorry anthony. you know i always want to tell you everything & i would tell you everything that were saying later. but you dont remind me & i honestly forget. ): im so sorry. i love you so much. 7 i dont want to lose you. youre not clingy to me. becausew we both are in a way. i love your affection you show for me, the hugging kissing etc. i LOVE IT. it makes me happy usually. but these couple days have been so kdfjvik fvn for me and i dont know why? D: I hate it. i love how youre asking whats wrong & i cant explain it & i keep quiet & i dont want to. i want to explode and tell you everything. & youre such a great listener when i do.
Next. This stupid ass hoe eating all of the food. like fuck you, were not here to feed your twig ass. why dont you get a job & work to get money. yeah we all usually share. but thats always been between me, anthony, nate & lucia. you're out of my motherfucking picture forever. i literally FORCED. to hangout with you. & today your attitude irritated the fuck out of me. & yeah i know i have one to, but thats only when people are hell stupid like you. and the only reason you even want to hangout with us is because anthony got an xbox & a new game that your bitchass doesnt have. THATS IT. you dont even have the balls to get a gift delivered to your house. what a pussy move. idgaf what my parents would say. anyways. youre bitchass needs to learn manners & ask. idgaf about nate. because he always gets us food. always. WHERE ARE YOU? no. so i dont care if he does. he's a better motherfucking bestfriend than you ever were a friend. he actually helps me out with my problems n shit. And so does anthony & lucia.  You nothing, you need to stop being fake with all of us. & just go be with your friends. becuase youre not welcome with me.  dont try to bullshit me either i swear.  7 if the german status was about me. FUCK YOU. cant even say it in english.  & not just that. but grow some reall balls & and TAG me in it. dont be a bitch.  anyways i just had to rant.
 Anthony. I'm so sorry. I hate that all our plans get twisted, but its because its because im a flexible person .we both really need to start saying no... more often .I really would want to play crackdown with you & you only likfe you wanted us too. l; sigh. We will one day. i swear. if its the last thing i live to do.
Third; 
I hate how our group; nate, anthony lucia & me.(sra sometimes)all know that everyone is talking shit.
nate>anthony
take notcie that this is WHAT I HEARD.physically come from their mouths.
Nate>lucia
Nate>sarah
Me>Sarah
Anthony>Nate?
Sarah>Lucia
Lucia>sarah
>= about*



fuck everything, i just want to go to college already, i never want to see sarah again.
& ill make another post later.

i hate how you use people.

yeah you. thats all were good for you huh?
fuck. go with you 'freinds' im out.
alright.


well arent i fantastic..

i'm only lying to myself..

ugh.
okay day. didnt get sleep. im annoyed. world is like ending for me. i hate when im like this. im all happy at one moment & then deeply sad or mad the next. i have to be bi-polar........... this is fucking insane... i want to be happy & i know i am happy. i need to see a psychiatrist.... fuck me.. im crazy lets just put it that way................................................................................................................. i need you right now. i need a hug. blah....... *dying in my own peace*