I feel as if i let my walls crash to the floor again

I let go so easily. I had set up all my interior walls, but you know how to gently remove them. Because youre so amazing, romantic, & caring. But now my walls are up again, and they are stronger. You scared the living soul inside me to the point ive never seen before. It took my breathe away, not a good way. My anxiety got out of control, my depression sky rocketed. But most of all my heart was wounded. I was hurting mentally and physically. But im glad we talked it out, gave reasons, & solutions. I did the decision . I took my own break. Didnt see you, just talked for a bit. & everything retured back to dandyness. A couple weeks later we had a wonderful might together, we finally slept with each other, like actual sleep. It made me feel secure & loved. The two things you give me everyday. I loved watching movies and tv with you. I wish we had more time to dpend with each other , days like this. It was a test to see uf we really could be. But then again i feel like i let myself go so fast. I was uncomfortable weeks before that, i felt that i needed to build my walls. But you know me too well, and you know how to treat a woman . You bade me fall in love with you more than before. You always can put a smilebon face no matter what. You make me laugh, you make me feel great about myself .i love you more than i can describe. You're my everything and my bestfriend. I can be my complete self with you, like nobody else has seen, & it makes me unbelievably happy. I see fireworks when we kiss, i still get butterflies before i see you anytime, just as i did in our first months together. Ive never felt this way before.
I could go on and on . I love you with everything ive got<3.
Its endless amount of thi gs i could say.
-Ashley :}